The Good and Bad of Holiday Horror

So I decided to continue my holiday post-a-thon by making a good and naughty list of Christmas horror movies. I thought this would be a good idea, since there are a lot of them and I hope this list helps many horror fans to pick and choose what holiday horror flick they want to watch. I made my list, I checked it twice and pouting is not tolerated! The ranking goes like this.

Presents = How good a movie is. The more presents, the better it is.
Coal = How bad a movie is. The more coal, the worse it is.

So, let’s begin.

GOOD

Black Christmas (1974) – This was one of the first few slasher movies ever to hit the big screen and with a great tone and some really clever scare tactics, this movie builds up an atmosphere that is both scary and haunting. I had a blast watching this and it truly is a memorable horror film.
9 presents out of 10.

Christmas Evil (1980) – This was actually a really good movie and even though it had a very slow build-up to a climactic ending, the movie built character development and made you feel for the antihero. It had some great kills and some pretty disturbing scenes but you can’t help but feel sorry for Harry.
7 presents out of 10.

Gremlins (1984) – Though, I wouldn’t call this a horror; it’s a great creature feature. It has all the conventions of any monster movie, mixed with some violent cartoon humor and of course the Gremlins… this is a holiday treat that cannot be missed. It’s so wacky and it has some amazing puppetry and physical comedy.
9 presents out of 10.

All Through the House (1989) – Now this was a good Christmas themed slasher. It had the Christmas atmosphere of Black Christmas and it was really tense and scary. Even though it was from "Tales form the Crypt," Zemeckis proves that he can do a great horror flick.
8 presents out of 10.

Jack Frost (1996) – At first, I wasn’t much of a fan of this movie but then I realized that it had a pretty dark sense of humor and some pretty nifty ways to kill somebody. The story is also interesting and I really enjoyed the puns that the massive amounts of gore. A true diamond in the rough for the winter season.
7 presents out of 10.

BAD

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) – Though, out of the ‘Bad’ list, this movie isn’t really that bad but it is plagued with shitty acting, some continuity errors and little to no scare value. I do credit the movie for being really controversial but that’s the only thing this movie has going for.
7 lumps of coal.

Black Christmas (2006) – This was one of the worse remakes of the 21st Century and took a beloved Christmas slasher and glossed it up with an unnecessary back story and it had one of the worse twist endings in horror history. There was nothing likeable about this, not one single thing.
9 lumps of coal.

P2 (2007) – The concept for this movie was really good and I thought it would be a good movie but it turned into a crap fest that kept getting shittier. I hated the protagonist and the killer was just idiotic. I think they could have really done some new things by abusing the setting of a parking lot but they didn’t and it turned out bad.
8 lumps of coal.

Well, there is my list of the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ Christmas horror films of all time. It wasn’t really that difficult but I did notice that I did not see that many Christmas horror films and there were a bunch of films that I have missed. Below are a list of ‘undecided’ films that I have not seen but want to:

UNDECIDED
Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974)
Santa Claws (1996)
A Christmas Nightmare (2001)
Santa’s Slay (2005)

Top 6 Awful Horror Movies of 2009

So I decided to make a list to go hand in hand with my Top 7 Horror Movies of 2009 with this Top 6 Awful Horror Movies of 2009. This wasn’t that hard to do because since most of the 2000’s have been shit and remakes, this years wasn’t any different. Although, I did have trouble seeing which movie tops one another on the crap scale. I hope you enjoy it.

6. The Unborn – This movie could have been a lot better had it not been so close to Rosemary’s Baby and had they trashed that stupid line ‘Jambe wants to be born now.’ Other then that, this movie didn’t really have much of anything going for it and I really felt let down by it. Had so much potential.

5. The Last House on the Left – A lot of people apparently liked this movie in contrast to the original but I think this movie lacked the shock value that I enjoyed from the original. Not to mention, the gritty and sadistic way the parents get back at their child’s killers. To me, this movie didn’t really take any of that into consideration.

4. The Uninvited – This movie could not keep my attention at all and apparently it’s a remake of Tale of Two Sisters. I fell asleep half way into the movie and then when I woke up I saw some chick look under an oven and then I went back to sleep. That’s how I felt about The Uninvited. Simple as that.

3. Sorority Row – This movie was utter crap and I don’t know how else to explain it. All the characters in the movie were unlikable and there were so many inappropriate times where I didn’t know if I should laugh or not. The plot was so fuzzy and this is what you get for remaking a bad movie to begin with.

2. Friday the 13th – Now this was a truly miserable movie and the reason being is that the characters are not relatable and we end up wanting them dead rather then seeing them alive. There were way too many stories in this movie, an epilogue, a post epilogue and then the story. The only good part was actually the pre-epilogue.

1. Halloween 2 – Don’t even start me on this one. There are so many things wrong with this movie from the mischaracterization of Loomis, to the progression of the plot, to the best part being a dream, to stale characters, to the general rape of Carpenter’s classic movie, to that unnecessary White Horse, to Michael’s new Grizzly Adams look, to the pointless flashbacks, to the awful ending, to the shitty music, to the stupid humor, to the excessive cursing, to the white trash, to the...

Well there is my list and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do considering I had a lot of fun making it. Honestly, I didn’t even scratch the surface of how long this list could have been.

Top 7 Horror Movies of 2009

So here is my list of the best horror movies of 2009. It wasn’t that hard to choose because… well, most of the horror was all just a bunch of sequels or remakes and none of them were even worthy of making this list, except one. I did not use Paranormal Activity or Trick ‘r Treat because they technically weren’t released in 2009 but rather 2007 or 2008. So, I hope you like it.

7. My Bloody Valentine 3D – Now, I know many of you might harass me over this decision but out of all the remakes out there… I had a fun time watching this one and it was in respects to the original. It was gory, it was funny and I did jump out once or twice. It also inspired my friend and I to make a slasher movie.

6 Jennifer’s Body – Now, my original review stated that I did not like this movie that much but when I consider all the remakes that came out this year and all the sequels… this movie was pretty original and pretty good. It did have a couple of good scares to it but that’s really it. It could have been better though.

5. Orphan – This movie was fantastic. It had a lot of what-the-fuck moments and it really kept the audience on its seat waiting to see what will happen. It was frightening near the end the twist has to go down in horror history of greats twist endings. And here I thought this movie was going to be bad.

4. Pontypool – now this was a movie that was truly atmospheric and it build up such a tense feeling in me that stuck with me even after the movie was over. It had great dialogue, it was brilliantly written and the actors did a great job with the performances. This was truly a memorable movie.

3. The House of the Devil – I loved this movie from beginning to end because of it’s amazing tense atmosphere (in reference to Black Christmas and Amityville Horror) and that fact that it was one of the most original stories out there. Also, it was an 80’s throwback and if you know me, that’s all I need.

2. Zombieland – Though I don’t really consider this horror, it has zombies and I am a sucker for zombies so I think I should include it. This movie was action packed, filled with tons of humor and I could not help but see it 3 other times. It was a great movie that made me craving for a Twinkie at the end of it.

1. Drag Me To Hell – Now, this movie brings us back to the good old days of originality and goofy horror. Sam and Ted Raimi’s return to horror brings us an unforgettable performance, disgusting humor, jump-out horror and originality. Honestly, there was not one thing that I could complain about this movie.

So, there is my list… I know it isn’t much and it’s kind of sad that those made it but honestly, 2009 was a crap year for horror and I know there are some really good horror movies that came out like Dead Snow but this is a list of horror movies that I saw. This year was also very busy for me in the sense of school work and such so it was hard finding time to see some of these movies.

Review - Black Christmas (1974)

With the Christmas season upon us I think it’s my duty to start doing a review for almost every Christmas horror film out there starting with Black Christmas. I saw this on the big screen during Terror in the Aisles 3 on a 35mm print. It had all the scratches and cigarette burns and it was a great way to see this amazing movie. Black Christmas is about a sorority that’s preparing for Christmas but they keep getting obscene phone calls from a psychopath and then, one by one, the caller kills the girls. It’s a great concept and is one of the first slasher films next to Psycho and Halloween. I had a really hard time writing a review for this movie so, here goes nothing.

There was something that I really liked about this movie but I could never put my finger on what it was until Steve from Lost Highway got it, it was the atmosphere that this movie builds. It’s so tense and you know the killer is the house but the girls don’t know it and you want to yell at the screen! With the POV angles this movie has, it builds greater tension and puts you right there in the spooky position of our heroine. The movie itself has this holly jolly emotion to it but there is a deep dark veil over it, I guess that’s the way to describe the atmosphere of it.

Black Christmas was one of the first, or is the first, movie to start the college slasher genre and I will go further to say that it inspired movies like Graduation Day, House on Sorority Row, Cheerleader Massacre and Urban Legends. In fact, this movie is a play on the old urban legend about the babysitter he had been receiving frightening calls from inside the house… and it’s a terrifying experience. This film takes that to a while other level and it becomes something that is truly memorable and haunting.

For me, Black Christmas did something for me that a movie today would rarely do and that is scare the hell out of me. Granted, compared to now, the jump-out frights aren’t really that scary today but the phone calls… those are something else. I don’t know how to describe them other than: disturbing, loud, perverted and crazy. Every time the killer talked he impersonated several different people including a little kid, an old mother, the heroine and her boyfriend among others. It was so frightening. And, if that’s not enough, you never really see the killer other then his figure in the shadows and the one eye of his that happens to be in the light. It’s really frightening.

Overall, this was a great slasher movie and in the general scheme of slasher films… this movie is ranking in the top 5, if not the top 10. This movie has such an intense atmosphere and some great killings, not to mention the really spine cringing phone calls that are made. The remake of Black Christmas (titled Black Xmas) didn’t even try to nail the brutality and tone that this one perfected. The cast was amazing and it’s on overall great achievement in horror cinema. If you are a slasher/horror fan, then you need to see this movie.

Terror in the Aisles 3

Tonight, or should I say this morning was this years last Terror in the Aisles and it was pretty damn good. The original lineup for this time around was Night of the Creeps, The Blair Witch Project and [REC] 2… but because of some trouble, they couldn’t screen [REC] 2 and instead played Black Christmas. This made a lot of people not show up to the Portage and blow off Black Christmas. Honestly, I don’t know why they would do that because Black Christmas is a good slasher movie and one of the best out there. Anyway, I also want to point out that I did not have my camera so I only have pictures of the signatures.

Eduard Sanchez’s signature.

Upon walking in, I was greeted by “Santa” and received a little leprechaun figurine and a pack of “So You Think You Can Dance?” playing cards. Fred Dekker and Eduardo Sanchez were there as guests and I had Fred sign my DVD copy of Night of the Creeps and I had Eduardo sign a promo slip for Holiday of Horrors. Fred was really nice and really laid back… I wanted to talk to him more about Night of the Creeps but I had to restrain my geekiness. Eduardo was really thrilled and kept talking on and on, probably because he was so excited, but he was a nice guy and we shook hands. He told us the story about the strange woman the group interviews in the beginning of Blair Witch and how she died recently (R.I.P.) and how her daughter tried to sue. I even got to call him Wolverine because of his muttonchops.

Now, let’s get to the movies.

Night of the Creeps: Well, if you want my opinion… you can read it right here.

Treevenge: This was a fun movie that really captured that grindhouse tone. It was bloody, it was funny and it really made you empathize for the trees… hell, it made me not want to buy a real tree for Christmas. Here is the review courtesy of Horror Society.

The Blair Witch Project: This movie was pretty scary for me when I got in theaters and after seeing it on the big screen, it brought back so many memories and so many times I got scared. I hate little kids laughing and I realized that the acting in this movie was really top notch. Plus, I have a whole new respect for Blair Witch after I know how it was made. We saw the Sundance cut of the movie. I’ll be writing a full review of it later.

Black Christmas: I have always loved this movie, but I loved it even better when I saw it on an original print. It’s a great slasher flick and it really used the element of shock and surprise to its advantage. It makes you sit on the edge and it was such a great cap to the night.

Overall, this was a very fun night and even with the absence of [REC] 2, it was worth it and I had a great time talking to friends and meeting the directors of all these great movies. I’ll be catching next year’s Terror in the Aisles for sure.

Fred Dekker’s signature
Signed: “Thrill me”


The signature of the man who brought the movie to DVD

Yeah, I had a geek moment.

My Stance on Remakes Part III

So this time I will jump right into the positive sides of remakes. Yes, positive sides, and it’s odd for me to start saying this especially after a two-post rant about how much I despise remakes. Remakes can be done right and as I stated before, my top 2 horror movies are remakes and the only reason why I love them so much, even more then the original, is because of my experience with them. No horror movie will ever make me feel the way The Thing or The Blob ’88 did when I first saw them and they led me into my horror obsession.

When you get a director and a writer that love, respect and cherish the original movies you get great remakes such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers ’78, Dawn of the Dead ’04, The Fly ’86, House on Haunted Hill ’99 and Night of the Living Dead ’90. Why are these movies so good? Because, the directors that made them respected the originals and they stuck to what made the originals so memorable but added their own vision to it. Body Snatchers tapped into the science of the aliens, The Fly made the story more captivating and more dramatic, Dawn of the Dead kept all the elements of the original but made it more modern. Good remakes can be done.

When it comes to The Thing, Carpenter kept the storyline, kept some of the famous scenes from the original and amped the special effects. The Blob still had a blob as the lead villain and they kept that amazing theater scene. When a writer and a director does not have any respect for what made the original so memorable you get a director that ‘reinvasions’ the entire movie and turns it into something of his own, which is normally crap and you get movies like Halloween, The Fog ’05 and The Wicker Man ’06.

Now, when you talk about remakes such as The Hills Have Eyes and My Bloody Valentine, they are good remakes but they end up raising the gore value throughout the entire film. The originals that they are based off didn’t really have that much gore, which is something that made the originals better in my opinion. But these movies were fun and enjoyable and they still respected the originals and they knew they couldn’t top them but they were still watchable. I even bought these movies because I was such a big fan of them when they came out.

I will say this: Because of all the shitty remakes coming out, as opposed to good remakes, I think I will always assume a new remake will be bad. I don’t entirely hate remakes but I do hate most of them, although I will acknowledge good remakes.

Bottom line is: Don’t remake every single fucking movie out there; they don’t need it. Remake a movie that needs an update, but if you do, get somebody that respects the original movie. An even honest opinion: stop remaking movies.

Don’t even get me started on sequels/prequels.

THE END?

My Stance on Remakes Part II

Here is the continuation of my little rant and opinion on horror movie remakes. The last post that I made left the idea of remakes on bad terms and I want to continue this little rant for a little longer. One of the main reasons why I loathe most remakes and possibly the next few remakes are because of the audience they are targeting. Many people have defended remakes by stating that they are exposing a new generation of horror fans to originals… that may be, in fact, when I first saw The Thing and The Blob ’88 I wanted to see the originals and even those blew me away because I took into account of when they were made. But today’s generation of horror fans don’t know shit about horror; actually, that’s not true. I know a lot of young horror fans like horror and I know there are a lot of them out there that have seen the classics but there are just as many of them that haven’t because they like the remake more.

Recently, after seeing My Bloody Valentine 3D I heard a bunch of kids rave about the movie and they called themselves horror movie fans. Fine. I liked the 3D version but then when I hear them say, “That had to have been one of the most original horror movies that I had seen,” it made my skin crawl. Again, that’s fine, because the original was not as popular and I know a lot of kids haven’t heard of it… but when I hear kids praise Rob Zombie’s Halloween or Sorority Row or even The Omen., without ever looking at the original; it’s insulting. And Andre brought up a good point: their perception on the remake is so high because they have never seen the original movie and that they are second banana to the remakes. It’s a shame!! Then, when they see the original they say it sucks, or it’s boring, or it’s not scary because the remake had such a huge impression on them.

Again, I am not saying that every young horror fan is like this but I have ran into these kinds of horror fans so many times at our theater to know there are more of them than there is true young horror fans. The reason why there are so many remakes is because these kinds of horror fans are fueling studios by seeing them. I think now studios are starting to remake more obscure lesser-known horror movies in hopes of brainwashing the younger audience. Movies like Night of the Demons, The Crazies, Motel Hell and Scanners are all being remade and I can guarantee that most of these “horror fans” haven’t even heard of the originals.

I think what pisses me off even more than anything is that now we have to differentiate between separate movies. When asked at the library, “Do you have Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” The librarian says, “Well, which one, the 1974 one or the 2003 version?” NO!!!! To me, there is only one Texas Chainsaw and there will be only one Texas Chainsaw. The 2003 version sucked and to me, it never exists and that goes for most of the remakes out there!! Even when I ask if they have The Blob they say the 1988 version or the 1954 version? That gets annoying but at least I can tolerate it because the ’88 version actually respected the original.

If studios really want to introduce the audience to the original movies, then rerelease the original movies into the theaters!! Don’t tell me they can’t because Fathom events rereleased The Wizard of Oz and Poltergeist for a few nights and they were all SOLD OUT and now those movies are also being remade!!!!!!! STOP THE REMAKES!!!!

Note: And don’t tell me that it’s a revision because as far as I am concerned, a revision is just another name for a remake not matter how you say it.

Note 2: This rant turned out longer then I excepted and I promise I will do Part 2, which is now Part 3, tomorrow.

My Stance on Remakes Part I

As many of you already know, I am normally a person that loathes remakes, or at the very least, does not like them. I have contradicted myself many times before saying that there are some remakes that I like… and in fact, my top 2 favorite horror movies of all time are The Thing (1982) and The Blob (1988) but I want to shed some light on my remake hatred and possibly provide some kind of rational explanation.

Remakes are updated versions of previous films, essentially redoing and redistributing a film based on an original idea. It seems like now in the past 5 years we have been subjected to so many remakes of so many slasher and classic horror films that it’s gotten ridiculous. Although, remakes have been around since nearly the beginning of horror films themselves and a lot of them turned out be classics among the horror genre. I don’t want to get into a history of remakes but I will state this: remakes can be done right so long as the director/writer appreciate the original.

Now, I want to talk about why I hate remakes. Normally, I never used to have a problem with them and for the most part, back then, I welcomed them because they were a fresh new look at something and I hoped that they would reintroduce this generation to old horror. It wasn’t until about 2 or 3 years ago when it seemed like every other movie that came out was a horror remake. What pissed me off was when I saw movies that came out in the 80’s or 90’s being remade for no purpose other than money! They remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which did not need to be remade because you could not duplicate the power, magnitude and rawness the original one had. Then you have the remake of Psycho, which was really a shot-for-shot revision of the original, which brought nothing to the screen other than a new cast. Crap! When you remake old, original, classics like The Omen or Invasion of the Body Snatchers (In reference to Body Snatchers of 1993) then you are taking movies that have enough power on their own and pushing them down a notch. It’s insulting!!!!

Then producers took beloved iconic slashers and decided to remakes their films and therefore they butchered the original storylines, they turned things around and they all did it in no respect to the original. Halloween shat on the ’78 version. Friday the 13th was utterly pointless and wooden, Last House on the Left didn’t have that shock value and now they are remaking Nightmare on Elm Street and it looks like they aren’t giving Freddy his signature body movement. They are taking what made these icons so famous and redoing them in a completely shitty manner.

If that’s not enough, Hollywood then takes shitty slasher movies, which were shitty then and turning them into over glossy, teen-packed movies filled with stereotyped high-schoolers and pretty girls and boys. The only difference is, in the 80’s, shitty movies were better because at least the movie had heart and passion… but now, they only remake them because they can. I’m talking about movies like Prom Night, Sorority Row and The Stepfather. All bad movies then, but they somehow made them worse.

Now, rather then remaking American horror movies they have decided to go to the Asian horror movie industry and remake those. Honestly, Americans cannot replicate the haunting atmosphere, the cultural similarities, the metaphors and the original stories that the Japanese and the Chinese mastered. To me, the only good Asian remake is The Ring because it kept the amazing atmosphere and the acting really made the movie powerful. Other than that, there isn’t any other good Asian remake.

When I watch a remake, I normally try to compare them to their predecessors and a lot of people say that I shouldn’t because, honestly, I don’t know why I should. If the director is not going to have respect for the original, then they shouldn’t be allowed to remake the movie… or at the very least call the movie something else. If you don’t respect the original… then you have movies like Halloween and Halloween II or even Psycho. All disasters.

I haven’t really scratched the surface of all the remakes out there but honestly, ever since they greenlit the remakes of Scanners, The Exorcist, Jaws (possibly), Little Shop of Horrors, Hellraiser, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Child’s Play, THE ORPHANAGE, SCREAM, THE THING, fucking Poltergeist, Suspiria and They Live!!!! It’s pointless; it’s even pointless to remake a remake!!!! What the fuck gives?? They are tainting the horror genre… but, I digress, because there are some good remakes out there.

Twilight Alternatives: Puppet New Moon and More.

In the light of a video known as The Puppet Twilight I have decided to make a video list of Twilight alternatives. When I mean “alternatives,” I am talking about different versions of Twilight that you can see and not feel dirty for supporting a movie about twinkling vampires. Below are videos that I found on YouTube that I found more appealing to watch then Twilight or even New Moon. Trust me when I say… when you are done watching them, you will feel like you really did watch the entire movie.

Now, I know that a lot of you may like New Moon or even Twilight, but after seeing clips from it… finally… I have reinforced my idea that this series is not good at all and therefore this list was made.

EPA, I Need Your Help with The Ruins

So I created a post a long time ago (one of my lesser known posts) on trying to defend the movie The Ruins, which I saw in the theater. I ended up reviewing the movie rather then defending it. I did a little bit of research and found out that The Ruins was a moderate success at the box office and from what I saw on Twitter and Facebook, a lot of people were not fans of this movie… or they just didn’t like, rather than hating it. My opinion on it is this: it was a really good movie, with some freaky moments in it, brutal and disgusting and it was an overall a good survival flick. But, I want people to give this movie a chance one more time.

1. Apparently some people didn’t like the pompous American attitude the characters had in the beginning. Honestly, it’s not as bad as Hostel and it does bring up something that I am sure a lot of American tourists think about when they are vacationing in foreign places. It also brings up a good point about missing college students in sub-tropical places, which is what this movie is.

2. A lot of people made the point that none of the teens decided to fight the vines back or use the torches to burn the vines. Well, that’s just common sense why they didn’t. If you are encased in a large closed space with thousands of plants and you burn them… it’s like trapping yourself and putting yourself into an oven. If they burned them on the outside, you’re on a burning building. NOT SAFE!! Also, how are you going to fight off thousands of vines?

3. Some have said that The Ruins is a rip-off of Turistas and The Descent. I don’t think that it was a rip-off at all but rather inspired by. If that’s the case… The Descent was a rip-off of The Cave. I was not convinced that Turistas was that good of a movie but more of a thriller rather than a horror.

4. They say the American tourists are stupid and idiotic for trusting a seemingly nice German man. Well, look at the news and tell me that when teens are drunk or having a lot of fun they do anything and even sober… teens do stupid things, which gets them in trouble. Most college kids that go on summer vacation end up making stupid decisions and this movie reflects that. It’s not the plot that’s stupid; it’s just telling what really happens.

5. Most people wanted explanation in this movie; mainly, why do killer plants inhabit these ruins? We are so pampered today, when it comes to horror that we want explanation for everything! Because of this, we have the remakes of Halloween and Halloween II that try to explain Micheal's past. There is a saying that the less we know, the scarier it is. People need to understand that not everything has an explanation and this movie was from the tourist point of view… I don’t think they knew why it had killer plants.

6. I read that some people hated this because it had unnecessary amounts of gore. WHAT? UNNECESSARY AMOUNTS OF GORE? This is a survival movie! What are you expecting in a survival movie? If you want “unnecessary amounts of gore” then look at House of the Dead or House of 1,000 Corpses or even Dead Alive!

7. The biggest thing that this movie was chopped down for and was shat on and spat on was the concept of killer plants that eat people! Are you kidding me? I guess we are forgetting classics like The Guardian, or The Thing From Another World, or The Evil Dead? What separates those movies from The Ruins other than they are brief and not feature length? The Ruins brings a good book to the big screen and has some thrilling moments in it as well as great plant effects. Also, people say that the “ringing flowers” was stupid and silly. I don’t think it’s silly. Plants are smart and living things; they have scents to attract bugs so that they can eat them, there are vines that grow on dead animals to suck the water out of them and plants and trees communicate through pheromones. So, ringing flowers may be far fetched but certainly possible… 1,000 of species of plants are found a year!

Now, I won’t be able to change the minds of those who hate this movie with a passion but I do hope to shed some light on this movie and to try to defend it for what it is… one of the best horror movies of 2008 and a great adaptation to a great book. I know for a fact that if these plants existed in real life, EPA would have a field day with them so please, EPA, help me defend these plants! PLEASE!!!

Graboid Safety

So here is the Graboid Safety video. I didn't want to include Ass-Blasters or Shriekers because as far as the video is concerned... it took place after the events of the original movie. I intend on making safety videos for them eventually. I hope you enjoy this and please leave your opinions.

Favorite Horror Movie Family Dinners

With Thanksgiving behind us and Christmas upon us, I decided to take a look back on some of the most memorable family dinners of the horror genre. Note: this is not a top ten list in any way; these are just some scenes that I found personally touching when it came to horror films. With that being said, let the festivities begin!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What more can you ask for then sitting down with your psychotic family and having a family dinner… with a captive guest. They share if family dinner rituals such as traumatic taunting and child abuse. Remember, when the family tried to help the grandpa crack open the girl’s skull so that he can drain her blood? That’s what I call respecting your elders.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
If you thought the last Texas family dinner was crazy, this one is even more twisted and surreal then that last one. Chop Top is running around acting like a lunatic, grandpa is under the table talking to himself and Leatherface is duking having a chainsaw battle. Such great family memories. Much like my family, they can get really psychotic but very fun to watch… from the side… hidden… with 911 on speed-dial.

Happy Birthday To Me
Birthdays always bring out the best in family members, even if those family members are dead…
and tied up… and mutilated. Just because you may not be how you think you are doesn’t mean people should forget that you were born. This was a very touching and blood stained B-day.

Thanksgiving (2007)
Even thought it’s not technically a full movie, or a full dinner… we can’t forget that touching family dinner when the Pilgrim Killer brought everybody together tied them down and forced them to eat the remains of their friends and family… before fucking the thanksgiving turkey. These are what family memories are made of.

2001 Maniacs
There is nothing like a good old butchering of innocent young people to bring together an entire town and family… even if you are ghosts. Even better, it brings everybody together to celebrate and slaughter and dismember the bodies of all their guests. They don’t have dinners like these anymore.

Now, I know there are a lot more memorable family moments and I know that I am missing a lot of them such as the one from Troll 2… but these were some that personally captured my interest and I hope that you and your family have great family times like these guys have.

I would also like to thanks DVD Dweeb for the post suggestion.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I would just like to take this time to wish everybody out there a Happy Thanksgiving and I hope all of you have a great time with your families! Below is another faux Grindhouse trailer I made in a Thanksgiving style.

Much like the original Hellraiser faux Grindhouse trailer, this one first appeared back in 2007 during a documentary I was filming about my grandmother making Thanksgiving. I had extra footage because I didn't know the camera was on and it taped all sorts of turkey peices strung about the place. I edited, put a few filters on and dubbed the movies 28 Wings Later. This was still back when I had Smokin' Rubik's Studios.

Note: Because Sony Vegas didn't render it correctly, there was supposed to be Rubik's Cubes as pupils on the poster.

The Real Beauty of Frankenstein

Who can’t forget the masterpiece that is Frankenstein? It is one of the most compelling and infamous horror movies in last 100 years and it one of the original Universal Monsters. I loved this film ever since I saw it, and as a little kid it was pretty terrifying… although, I don’t want to give this movie a review because it’s already got the reputation as being phenomenal and I don’t want to beat around the bush. No, what I want to talk about is the one scene that I so vividly remember and really touched me when I saw it and that is, the scene where the Monster plays with the little girl by the lake.

Here is the scene: The Monster is wondering around the country side trying to escape the mobs and he comes across a little girl in white, sitting by the lake and picking flowers. The Monster then lunges towards her but instead of attacking her, he kneels down and picks flowers with her. The little girl then talks to the Monster and tells him how to make the flower heads float in the water, and the Monster actually laughs and has fun… before he picks her up and throws her into the lake, inevitably killing her.

Why does this scene stand out to me from the rest of the movie, because the scene is so beautiful, innocent and funny. The shot takes place in a beautiful lakeside plain, filled with flowers and wonderful mountains in the background. The girl is wearing white and picking white flowers, showing her innocents. This scene shows that the Frankenstein Monster does have feelings, they may be very primitive and they may be very blunt, but he does feel compassion and the sense of joy. It’s also funny in a morbid sense of humor, when the Monster, in the height of his glee, picks up the girl and throws her in the water. As an audience, we laugh because we think it’s funny… much like the way the Monster laughed. It’s not until a little later when we realize that the girl died, and as an audience we are taken aback. Audience manipulation at it’s best.

It’s not hard to see that this is one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie and it weren’t for Karloff’s brilliant acting the director’s sense of style… it wouldn’t have worked. I think as far as I am concerned, this is probably one of the most touching scenes in horror history and I don’t think there will ever be anything close to it.

Review - The House of the Devil (2009)

So I finally got around to finally seeing House of the Devil, which I had been waiting so long to see and considering the hype and all the buzz about it on Facebook, Twitter and the horror blogosphere… I was extremely happy to see it finally come to the Music Box Theater. Well, this movie is about a college sophomore living in the 1980s who takes up a babysitting opportunity in an isolated Victorian house, but things start to go extremely wrong when she finds out that she’s not really there to babysit and when she hears strange noises coming from the upstairs. This is homage to 80’s horror although I would also say that it is homage to 70’s exploitation films in some cases.

Now, what makes this movie so similar to 80’s horror? Well, I’ve heard some people rave about the picture quality and the props, well; I didn’t really notice anything about the picture quality and the props you get that with every period movie. What really made this film a tribute was the cinematography and the progression of the storyline. In the beginning, the scenes would freeze-frame while the credits appeared. There are quick cuts, long zooms and loud sound effects… all attributing the 80’s horror.

The progression of the film was also very retro. If you are expecting for the horror to kick in right away… then you are wrong, it takes a long time and it’s very slow pace and it holds out till the last 15 or 20 minutes of the movie. With that said, I think that I would compare the plot to Rosemary’s Baby as well as Amityville Horror. The movie builds up so much anticipation that when you get to the end… it just slaps with everything at once.

As for the horror itself; it delivers. I actually jumped up a couple of times and much like the 80s brand of horror, there are a few cliché scares. House of the Devil also goes for shock horror. Everything up until the end is creepy and ominous and when the end scenes play out… it’s like watching an acid trip and there are flashes of demonic images and bright colors. There is very little gore but there are disturbing scenes involving sacrifices and blood consumption. Even the score is very high strung and shrilling.

Overall, this is a movie that is strictly for people who love retro films as well as 80’s horror… if you don’t like either, I would not recommend seeing this at all. If you are not okay with slow paced movies, don’t see it either. I loved it and I thought it was great but that’s only because I love 80’s and 70’s horror films. A group of people came into the theater during the showing of it and all they did was laugh and make fun of it… if you are going into a movie knowing that you won’t like it and only see it just to mock it, DON’T SEE THE MOVIE!!!!